First: i apologize for my lack of an update.
second: i dont know why im apologizing seeing as i have zero followers.
third: im going to pretend that im hugely popular and that you have all missed me greatly. :)

I made a pot of coffee while i watched the VMA's tonight, at nine. I drank that whole dang pot and now its creeping up on three am, and WOOHOO im still wide awake.

I moved into my dorm a few weeks ago, and started my sophomore year at the college im in love with. Four old friends, along with two new ones for this great ride of a semester. I wake up every morning hoping to make more friends, but have been so caught up in my own life lately it has been hard to get into others.

Selfishly i await others to ask about me, stupidly i want them to care. When all along all i want is to know the feelings that we share. - that was stupid but i feel this way. i want to make friends but have been so lame in how i go about it. Lately i want to only think of myself and i hate it. there is a list of a billion things i would rather think of.

im breaking the habit and im going to talk about all the things i think of that arent dealing with me:
1) Lauren- she has so quickly become my honest to blog best friend, and i envy her optimism. She has such a wide eyed view of the world that would make you think she was simply unaware. But the truth is, she knows. She know the horrors of the world, she know the crap, she knows the sin but looks at it through rose colored glasses and shakes it off with a smile.
2)Kylie- My roomie.
3)Afton- This girl deserves the world, and has gotten the heel end of the boot. I think daily of things i would love to give her. things i would love to show her, hope being one.
4) Kenna- i was a crappy friend when you died, and wasnt there for your sister like i should have been. I think about you daily and i can never let myself forget your strength.
5)the world. I want so bad to change this place for the better. i want to bad to be the one that goes over seas and teaches young african children how to read, tie their shoes, or simply brush their teeth.

these are only five things.
i hate it.
i love you and here is a bit of poerty from my current lust hazy brain:

Love could be a color
but its never red or pink.
No romantic colors,
they dont mean a thing.

because none of those,
no reds pinks or roses
do any justice to the green in your eyes.